Comments: Second Anniversary Off-Meds
Well done, I wish you well :)
I'm diagnosed bipolar, and I definitely know that was the right diagnosis. I just can't wait to get of Zyprexa (Olanzapine), I started on 20mg and am now cutting 2.5mg tabs in half, I've got my fingers crossed that this will be my last three months. Lithium, well I'll probably be on that forever... we'll see. It's been just over three years since my diagnosis, I've put on 35kg but I've got plans to shed that soon!
Posted by James Clark at July 19, 2009 11:11 PM
I'm trying to search for the answers myself. One thing I'm waiting on is Emile Krapaelin's (sp?) book, "Manic-Depressive Insanity" from the library (it costs $150 to buy), which represents the largest documentation of unmedicated bipolar disorder, as this was written in the late-1800s/early-1900s. I'd like to get to the bottom of what the prognosis really looks like without any Pharma propaganda and without any Scientology propaganda.
I've read sources on the web that say that in Krapaelin's time, people usually only had 3-4 episodes in their lifetime and in only 8.5% of cases was the disease chronic and unrelenting. This is a secondary source, so I'm not sure if it's reliable, hence why I'm waiting on the book.
Of course, modern data tells a different story, but modern data has the added complexity of modern drugs and much data indicates that modern drugs are at the very least, not helpful. Modern academic psychiatrists say the the average person will have 8-10 episodes in their lifetime if they choose not to continuously use medication, but I would guess that the number of people with Bipolar dx'es who have NEVER- not even once- had medication is probably now very low) and if the secondary source I have on Krapaelin's book is correct, why has the number of episodes/severity increased so much in 100 years?
I'm not sure how the depression aspect fits in. I get the feeling when they people speak of "episodes" they are speaking strictly of mania. I don't know; I will have to get the book.
I'm inclined to believe that the severity of the illness has been over-represented and is manufactered by pathologizing people with the label, and thereafter viewing EVERY emotion in their life with a manic/depressive lens... bad doctoring, based on either laziness, incompetence, and relying on key opinion leaders who are bought and paid for... the expansion of the definition of bipolar disorder in the 1980 DSM III to include cases such as a person who generally doesn't feel very happy and at other times feels irritable... Big pharma finding a cash cow; after all, much easier to convince a person that their potentially normal ups and downs are pathological than it is to convince a person who is not having delusions/hallucinations/hearing voices that they ARE (but the medications are the same)... NAMI spreading the myth that the diagnosis is based on ANY detectable gross, microscopic, or chemical abnormality...
In any case, this is not to detract from people who do identify with the Bipolar label and do feel tremendous suffering (and relief from their suffering through psychotropic meds), I just feel that something is amiss and I want to get to the bottom of it. I cannot believe, as some do, that ALL of the problem has to do with Pharma money. Not even close.
My hunch is that the illness is, in most cases, much less a problem than we (or our psychiatrists) are told, for whatever reason.
Posted by kimbriel at July 19, 2009 11:38 PM
I wish i could say the same thing. I've been off meds for about 18 months now (NOT by choice) and have spent at LEAST 90% of that time suicidal.
Posted by kimmieCollas at July 19, 2009 11:52 PM
Happy Anniversary Philip-
I do envy you. I've been on those damn pills for 24 years now- and I think even though I may get down to very low doses, I will never really be off them.
So I admire you.
Posted by susan at July 20, 2009 03:30 AM
Congratulations! I think living without meds-drugs is a learning experience.
My 2 cents of advice, when I was withdrawing I occasionally took the drug-medicine Ativan to cope with overwhelming fear-stress-paranoia. Today I would not take the drug-med for foreknowledge of the next day (horrible) rebound effects and the knowledge it takes about an hour for it to go to my brain and do its stuff ( my fear trigger could/would be gone within the hour, so then why take a drug-medicine?).
Posted by markps2 at July 20, 2009 04:19 AM
You had a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. No one is static. We're all always evolving. Why don't you put this spin on your second medication-free anniversary year.
You're in Recovery. You're healthier because you've grown and evolved. You're responsible, self-advocating, responsible, supportive, always learning and you even sound hopeful. Perhaps you've evolved into your Recovery through this blog.
You've found a way to give your life more meaning than during the years when you were on medication and you believed that you "were bipolar" – which is a phrase I detest. No one "is bipolar" – but you can have a diagnosis of a bipolar disorder.
Having a bipolar disorder diagnosis only describes one aspect of who you are.
What about all your achievements? Your talents? Your career. You, in your totality as a person.
Philip, it sounds like you're in Recovery from a mood disorder – a Bipolar Disorder. Bipolar Disorders are, after all, are spectrum disorders.
After all, medications are just one tool in a toolbox filled with others that can help people find meaning in their lives and go into Recovery. Live independently. Work. Have careers. I don't believe for a moment that all mental illnesses are chronic "diseases" and that there cannot be recovery – which is not cure.
No way. And even if you are taking medication, you can still be in recovery. Even if you see a psychiatrist for therapy, you can still be in recovery, which is, like life, a journey. With its ups and downs.
We're human, after all.
Posted by sandy Naiman at July 20, 2009 05:39 AM
Congratulations and thank you for sharing about your experiences, as they do answer a number of my questions.
Posted by BorderlineNOS at July 20, 2009 05:48 AM
Congratulations and press on!
Posted by WomanofHope at July 20, 2009 06:15 AM
Congrats, Philip! Hopefully this is comforting to reach this milestone. It will probably bother you greatly that you were on meds for so long possibly for no reason (as you note- it is just about impossible to ever know for sure). It is good to see you make something out of a bad situation. This blog is highly read, and obviously is hitting the right mark by the ability to generate so much attention and discussion - I hope your (paid) journalistic efforts go as well. A sign that you are on the right trail is being provocative (without begin inflammatory, salacious, etc.). Regaring going off meds, I hope some prescribers read this note and work to think outside the box even more. I remember helping provide mental health care for a guy dx bipolar - the guy repeatedly asked the doctor to take him off lithium, and keep him on low-dose valium. I believe I left that job assignment when this patient was at one year with no manic and no depressive episodes, no abuse patterns (the typical 'lost meds', or increasing doses, etc.) - just valium for bipolar. At the same job, we agreed with a patient dx schizophrenia to take her off meds - within 3 months, she was having the unusual ideas again, the voices again, poor self-care, etc. - so family brought her in to get back on med regimen. Well, we gave it a try but it did not work that time. Providers are usually very "chicken" to give a no-med trial a try. It is scary for a doc and a treatment team to do a trial of "no meds." I am glad you gave it a try and glad the outcome has been this no-med outcome. This needs to be done, with safety net in place, more often.
Posted by medsvstherapy at July 20, 2009 06:31 AM
Philip - That is victory! I think so much is unknown but the "meds for life" Rx suits the industry so that is what we get.
I have been off the big meds (seroquel and lamictal) for over 3 years and am doing well. It took over a year to also get off clonazepam. As I reflect on my decade of psychiatric hell, my conclusion is that my experience may still meet their definition of bipolar II but the treatment was way worse than the initial symptoms. They told me I was experiencing the worsening course of the disorder but I think paxil made all my symptoms worse and it just went downhill from there. I think chronic akathisia played a big role. Symptoms of akathisia overlap greatly with symptoms that would be attributed to a mental disorder and convinced me that I was very ill and needed the drugs that were making me worse. I hope the best for all on this site who are struggling with the question of whether they are better of with or without the meds.
Posted by Camas at July 20, 2009 07:11 AM
Nice going, Philip! As you know, diagnostic categories are arbitrary and fluid. Unfortunately, our current mental health system is set up to promote chronic illness and helplessness. It takes a lot of courage to break free.
Posted by Francesca Allan at July 20, 2009 07:28 AM
Perhaps, as Ron Leifer has hypothesized about depression, bipolar disorder is a temperament. I tend to think symptoms so labeled are either inaccurate, biased perceptions on the part of the observer as in diagnosis of child bipolar or normal responses to extreme situations.
Even psychiatrists concede that what they label as mental illness is less understood than any other illness, and yet they also are the only doctors to diagnosis as incurable and require and indeed often force treatment of the asymptomatic with drugs that they don't deny have great potential to cause illnesses worse than the ones they're designed to "manage."
Posted by Sally at July 20, 2009 07:57 AM
I take occassional respite with anti-anxiety meds (like once in a while when I am having panic attacks).
I was labeled bipolar in 1996, and have had doctors since then try to put me on lithium, when they themselves admitted to not seeing bipolar.
I've decided psychiatry will not help me. My experience of it is they wanted to see me as sicker than I truly was.
Posted by Lee at July 20, 2009 08:02 AM
Hello there! Congrats!
I, like you, made it to second anniversary and then had a major crisis that took me back to meds. I want another two years of med free life. Dont tell my doc ;)but as soon as I feel confident and well again, I'm done with pills.
Posted by MissP at July 20, 2009 08:16 AM
My husband was also diagnosed with bipolar 15 years ago. At the time, he was clearly having serious manic symptoms. Today he is 100% medication-free (for several years now). It does happen. I'm more likely to go with the 'burns itself out' theory.
Posted by jae at July 20, 2009 08:33 AM
Congratulations!
I have been off all drugs (Lithium, Lamictal, Ativan) since December 2004. I have been off Seroquel since December 2003. I was on many other drugs over 13 years or so, including Depakote, Neurontin, Toapmax, many antidepressant drugs, all without any benefit and with many adverse effects, including many times I was near death from several medical and suicidal drug-induced adverse effects.
I will not explain how I got off drugs: it is a long story. It was not a conscious decision; in fact, I was terrified to get off them. But I am much better now.
I have no psych symptoms: I have only the symptoms I started out with 17 years ago that led me to psychiatry: extreme pain, extreme fatigue, neuropathic pain, along with the fear about working and how to get money to live on, etc. Of course, I now have all the long-term medical problems associated with the drugs: weight gain, high lipids, muscle damage and pain, heart damage and many more. I also have all the damage of losing my career, friends, self-esteem, years of terror, cognitive impairment, etc.
Did I or do I have BiP? My psychiatrist says YES, I am in remission, I could get sick again. My therapist say NO, I never had it, I was misdiagnosed and only got symptoms of mania when I took drugs like Prozac and the worst one, Seroquel. None before or after. I have been seeing both for 15 years or so.
I take supplements and try to keep a regular schedule. I eat well, usually. I don't drink, smoke, etc. I try to do things I like, music, art, etc. without spending any money, of course. I write stuff against biological psychiatry as curently practiced in the US. I do other voluntary work that is more joyous and fun than confronting the illogical and rigid beliefs of biological psychiatry.
Posted by Eileen at July 20, 2009 08:51 AM
I was diagnosed with bipolar 17 years ago and went many periods without meds, but with episodes. My life has pretty much been ruined by this disorder and though I'm in my later 30s, I've lost more than a decade of my life.
There might have been a year stretch when I was episode free. What I'm trying to say is that 2 years is not really that long. Maybe you are right and you were misdiagnosed, or you don't have bipolar disorder. But since you have a history of mania and depression (or else you wouldn't have been diagnosed in the first place), I would recommend that you still be aware and take note if you see a difference in your sleeping patterns, eating patterns, weight loss/gain, behavior, etc. I hope that you never have an episode again, but if you notice something, please don't ignore it or blow it off.
Thanks.
Posted by LW at July 20, 2009 08:52 AM
Congratulations Phillip, on your anniversary and your new writing opportunity at the Seattle Post Globe. It’s obvious you are not only surviving without psych drugs but THRIVING!
I have a question for you; Do you think you have any long-term damage from years of drugs? Do you have any residual memory or cognitive problems that make things more difficult? Have you succeeded in spite of these or do you think your brain has fully recovered?
I ask because I spent 13 years on drugs, 9/26/09 will be 1 year off. I’m having major difficulties in these areas. It’s as if I’ve had a traumatic brain injury.
I continue to search for studies or medical journal articles on the this (re: SSRI's, SNRI's or Lamictal) but haven't found any. Thanks.
Posted by Damaged at July 20, 2009 09:03 AM
Damaged, this is all well-documented in the book, "Drug Induced Dementia: A Perfect Crime" by Grace Jackson, MD.
My theory remains- Bipolar disorder is most often not what we are led it to believe.
Posted by kimbriel at July 20, 2009 10:14 AM
Congrats, Phillip. I draw a great deal of inspiration from your story.
Your reasoned, journalistic approach to criticism of the pharmaceutical industry and psychiatric community formed the backbone of my paradigm shift that helped me help my son improve. He's been off meds for so-called pediatric bipolar for about 15 months now, does not meet the criteria at all for a mood disorder, and is doing exceedingly well. I shudder to think what he would be like today had I not taken him off of meds AMA.
Thanks again for your work.
Posted by molly_g at July 20, 2009 11:22 AM
Phillip, that's really great news. To me, it represents a significant achievement. Especially when I look over all that you have hosted, argued for, and helped happen through your blog. I'm sure if I could see other areas of your life, such as the work you have done in shelters, I could appreciate the achievement even more.
Your blog and everything it connects with is an important part of most days for me. You help me stay up to date in this important struggle.
Congratulations.
Posted by Gene Combs at July 20, 2009 12:11 PM
Congratulations, Philip thanks on the behalf of all children misdiagnosed with pediatric bipolar disorder, by asking the same questions I was---
3 years ago I finally found a place where someone else was questioning, and based on questioning how you got to the point where you did, 18 years of the same meds my daughter had been on nearly 1/2 her lifetime, at a much younger age.
-- thank you for pushing the envelope on behalf of myself and my daughter, keep doing it.
Molly's son is a great example of the positive outcome that can happen through transparency, questioning and challenging the current psychiatric medication based paradigm called psychiatry.
Keep the voice booming out there,
Stephany
Posted by Stephany at July 20, 2009 01:18 PM
kimbriel,
THANKS for the tip. I'm searching for a copy now (that's under $50)
Posted by Damaged at July 20, 2009 03:36 PM
Congratulations Philip. This blog and Beyond Meds gave me the strength I needed to begin my withdrawal journey last Aug. They were some of the only sources I could find about Lamictal withdrawal. The withdrawal lasted for 8 months total, but I have been off for quite some time now. I've haven't felt so well and happy since my first semester of college (quite some time ago.) Anyway, thank you so much for sharing your story. It helped me. I now experience happiness every day, where I wasn't feeling anything at all for a few years when I was over-medicated for a condition I have grown skeptical about. I know some people benefit greatly from treatment so I'm conflicted about how I feel about it overall.
All I can say is, again, thanks.
Posted by Angel84 at July 20, 2009 04:28 PM
Congratulations for being well for two years, Philip. Whether or not that's because you are off meds, only you can say, not us.
Perhaps one thing everyone can agree on in the "meds are the only thing keeping me alive" vs. "all meds are evil" back-and-forth is that the constant CHANGING of meds that so many of us experience by trusting our Pdocs too much is nothing short of disastrous.
It was my Pdoc (who had tinkered with my medicine previously, mind you) finally acknowledging that maybe she should leave me on the same regimen for several months and let me see how I do -- and I indeed did much better (how could I not, having been on more than 20 different meds in 10 years?) -- that launched my recent mood stability of the last 18 months or so, despite some difficult economic circumstances.
That stability helped me get into a better life situation (I plan to marry my very loyal girlfriend one day) which has itself improved my mood. And so the positive feedback loop began.
I also think the "burns-itself-out" factor may apply, although the medical establishment only recognizes it in the elderly. My own grandmother, with bipolar I to my bipolar II, stabilized even off of lithium, though not until her 70s.
Keep fighting the good fight, Philip -- with FS and in your own life.
Posted by Larry at July 20, 2009 04:30 PM
Well Done (((Phil)))---- I myself got dxed as bi-polor 2-
Crock of shit Dx-
didnt have issues with manic till I started on the ssri's-Ive managed2Toss the anti-psycotics out-still worried about coming off an ssri-
wow-well done-
Kind Regards Louise-
Posted by poodles at July 20, 2009 05:27 PM
Congratulations. I must give a vote for the wrong diagnosis line of thought. I also would like to introduce a new line of thought and that is the people ¨learn to manage¨ their bipolar. For one person I saw he knew that if he missed 2 good nights sleep he would spiral down or up. He found that if he and his wife managed his sleep patterns well sometimes with medication he was able to stay off medications for many years.
Many Dr´s forget that before Dr. John Cade discovered the use of Lithium 50% of people with Bipolar died, mostly from exhaustion. Now the diagnosis is thrown around like water. I have seen many people that have been given a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder and I have silently questioned the skills of the diagnosing doctor. There is no arguing with them. Even a well qualified doctor who knows that a person has not got bipolar approached the misdiagnosis with ¨kid-gloves¨. Doctors have such fragile ego´s. They have to think anything is their idea. Bipolar Disorder is very hard to diagnose properly and such a diagnosis should not be given without absolute certainty. Often it is given after one sub-clinical episode. Shame!
I am glad to see people willing to stand up to these idiots. Again well done!
Posted by Mole at July 20, 2009 06:45 PM
Congratulations Philip!
Your recovery is real vindication. Those who told you you would be broken in six months must be tasting bile.
I got the bipolar 1 DX as a teen. Rejected meds as a teen. I struggled and failed off and on until my early twenties when I started a dedicated practice of meditation after studying with a master. I was depression free within a year and mania free about a year or so after that. Now it's been well over a decade and I remain totally manic depression free.
It's a shame I was not able to transfer my passion for mind-body training to my sister who also has a bipolar 1 dx. She's been medicated with lithium and other meds for over ten years now and she is disabled and nowhere near remission.
In a twist of irony she was having her breakdown and got her Dx about the same time I was celebrating my first year anniversary of being depression free.
One of the things I like most about your story is that you don't attribute your recovery to a single 'super' supplement, religious prayer, meditation or spiritual awakenings.
You just took care of yourself and got better. So simple and straightforward. Very down to earth.
It may give hope to those who are leery of gimmicky cures for bipolar or don't believe in alternative healing modalities.
Anyhow, I love what you are doing with keeping on top of the child bipolar travesty. Every parent who is thinking of drugging up their kid(s) should have a thorough look at your site archives before making that decision.
Good luck this year Philip and I hope your next year's update is just as successful.
Posted by Jane at July 20, 2009 08:05 PM
Philip, I'm glad you're doing so well. I suspected you would be. I, too, remember people giving you dire predictions of doom and gloom. I think you serve as a great reminder that we are not diseases, we are individuals. That's why it's shitty to tell people they will be forever ill, because nobody knows that. Good for your psychiatrist for being willing to consider options many would not.
I can't believe that it's been since late 2002 that I last saw a psychiatrist. Prior to that my life revolved around medications, psychiatry appointments, and hospitalizations. I guess it turns out that I had more hope for my future than my psychiatrist did, which is kind of surprising considering I suffered from severe, recurrent major depression. He wins the prize for being even more gloomy than me. :-)
Posted by Lisa at July 20, 2009 08:11 PM
Well done on the 2nd anniversary! It's never easy to make a change in your life like that, but well worth the risk. Thank you for your lovely, informative blog, as well.
Here's to another great 3rd year of living without BP meds.
Posted by Deb at July 21, 2009 04:59 AM
Well Done Philip
I am off meds 7 years myself, and I must say, I often wonder how I ever got duped into thinking that an anti-depressant or any psychiatric drug could possibly fix me...
That said, the last few years has certainly been an education and a learning curve in a lot of ways...
Keep up the blogging , your blog is up there with the best of them..
:)
Posted by truthman30 at July 21, 2009 05:53 AM
Looking at these comments, it is astounding how little "we" (society, medical professionals, etc.) know about mental illness and mental illness treatment. There are many questions and observations noted here that are each worthy of an entire line of research, each worthy of one of these million dollar grants. It is sad to realize that the extent of our society's willingness to investigate the concept of bipolar disorder is limited to the willingness to get yet another drug approved, or to expand the definition of bipolar to drag even more people through this uncharted experience. Think about it: one commenter is trying to get hold of old, original-material from pre-med days to get a glimpse of the natural history of bipolar. Several people sound like plain old bipolar I, but have been med-free for at least one year. Others are pretty sure that they or their family member was mis-diagnosed. Psychiatry does not have answers to the questions raised by these phenomena. What portion are able to manage with sleep hygiene alone? Does sleep hygiene help in the same way that meditation does? How do you decently, systematically review side effects and judge when the side effects are worse than the depressive or manic episode? What are people's preferences for treatment if, hypothetically, people ever were given a fully informed choice, and not railroaded/shamed into blindly following the psychiatrist? Why don't psychiatrists demand that patients practice wellness (low stress, decent sleep, meditation, balanced diet, moderate exercise)? If only NIMH was following this blog. Maybe Obama will save us with "comparative effectiveness research."
Posted by medsvstherapy at July 21, 2009 05:58 AM
That's really great that you're doing so well. Your articles written on this site and others are really interesting and I'm glad things are going so well for you.
I started meds at 7 years old and was on all sorts of combinations of different psych med cocktails, different antidepressants, antipsychotics, stimulants, amphetamines, benzodiazepines, mood stabolizer. Then I got off psych meds cold turkey over a year ago and after awhile started using recreational drugs instead. Things off meds are different, things changed a lot. It was a lot easier on them. It's amazing how many different psych meds I was on in my childhood and adolescence. I was on the lowest doses of the psych meds so they didn't affect me that much, but it's amazing to think of all the different psych meds they put me on for generalized anxiety and ADD. Things are very different being off psych meds. It's great that you were able to get better, Philip. Your psychiatrist is much different than most psychiatrists. All of your writings and messages are very interesting. Good luck and I'm very happy things are going well for you.
Posted by Princess at July 21, 2009 06:52 AM
Bravo!
I'm very happy for you Philip and I believe that this blog is helping many people to start questioning their problems.
I've noticed that there are some names I never saw here before.
This is great!
I admire you, you know that.
Love,
Ana
Posted by Ana at July 21, 2009 08:57 AM
It really is inspiring and even validating to see all the people who have come out of the woodwork as it were to share their experiences with diagnoses and treatments and to affirm the healing power of the human soul (and just plain old common sense!). Your blog has had a big influence and I'm honored to have been able to be part of the process in the comment threads. I really wish all the best to you, Philip, for continued meds free wellness and success.
Posted by Sara at July 21, 2009 10:33 AM
I just found your site and was SO excited that the most recent post was about being med-free for 2 years. Congratulations!! I was excited because just last week, I decided that I had had enough of the med carousel and with my doctor support have decided to go off the meds and start a strict cognitive behavior therapy program. Your story has inspired me and for that I am very grateful!
Posted by april at July 21, 2009 05:22 PM
Several psychiatrists concluded that my daughter was misdiagnosed, (it isn't just a figment of my imagination) or a 'family member's opinion, it's fact. The medications left brain damage , that's a fact too, and it's a damn shame and that mistake and rush to dx her by psychiatrists at age 11 stole away her life, what else could describe it, I hope it doesnt happen to any other kids, but it IS
Posted by Stephany at July 22, 2009 12:16 AM
Congratulations, Philip - and thanks for showing the way to freedom to so many.
Posted by Lilly NC at July 22, 2009 12:33 AM
Congrats on the two years!
You seem curious about why you are okay without meds, which surprises me because I would think that you've been doing something to make this so. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder in 2002 and have been off meds since 2003. I definitely had schizoaffective disorder, or something like it-- I was REALLY insane. And yet I am fine now, because I've purposely taken the road of recovery. My illness did not just mysteriously disappear, nor was it imagined in the first place. Nor am I a medical miracle, at least by the definition I think you mean, because I had to work much harder for my recovery than for anything else I've done in life.
There are a lot of us out there... it's just that its those of us who speak out about it (AND live in America, where recovery from mental illness is rare compared to third world countries) are the rare ones.
Congrats again. I LOVE your blog!
Posted by Cindy at July 22, 2009 07:31 AM
I find it dissatisfying that you claim this means 'one of four things'. You forgot the fifth thing it may mean. It may mean, that there was absolutely no rationale for you to be led to believe your distress was a brain disease in the first place, and that giving your distress a pseudomedical sounding label, was nothing more than an act which indoctrinated you to live in fear and terror, under the power of suggestion of bad things happening, and that for almost two decades, needless, harmful, toxic, life diminishing guesswork pharmacology, was clouding your judgement further. It's good you're yourself again, it's bad you continue to perpetuate the same lies that imprisoned you for so many years.
Philip Dawdy responds: i'm not perpetuating any lies and am offended that you think so. it's my life and i'll say and think of it as i wish. you do the same with yours. it's worth noting that the commenter's ip is from australia. there sure is something special about aussie anti-psychiatry sorts.
Posted by Ken at July 23, 2009 06:47 AM
i'm very glad to read your story and hope i can accomplish what you have! congratulations! i was diagnosed with bipolar in my early 20s (now early 30s) and always questioned my diagnosis. despite being treated with a whole cocktail of meds, including lithium, i experienced chronic depression. i never felt better. my doctor didn't listen to me when i expressed this. so, i went from doctor to doctor - and those doctors sent me to hematologists, gynecologists, etc (no one could ever find anything wrong with my hormones or otherwise) - and the stigma of bipolar, w/ the one initial diagnosis, followed me around for years. i have finally found a doctor who listened to my stories and came to the conclusion that "in no uncertain terms are you bipolar." no evidence for the diagnosis. i have depression and need an antidepressant; that's why the bipolar meds never worked. so, now i'm on a low dose of anti-d and getting weaned off the meds. i don't have any withdrawal; i feel better, in fact.
i'm not happy that i took medicines that i didn't need but even more so that i accepted that i was "sick"/that there was something wrong with me. i thought i could never have children b/c of my lithium use; my diagnosis had a very strong impact. it has been a source of great stress.
i can't tell you how many times, when i questioned my diagnosis, doctors would say; "bipolar people always want to go off their meds". if doctors would listen to patients, they might uncover - in some cases - something more "human" than categorical symptoms. it is very sad.
Posted by nancy at August 19, 2009 08:38 PM