Comments: The Saddest Thing
Sounds like the guy has unresolved issues; not really being "stuck" on father's death, but never having coped or dealt with it; who knows if he has ever had any support and how much has he been "drifting" before he arrived to town, most likely he is following a pattern no one knows he's been living for years. He will go to another town, attempt to find some support and move again.
Yes, it is sad, and we cannot help all people.
I know someone who has been fucked up by psych meds, gone to the psych ward, came out on more meds and more were recently added. Then I found out the person is living in their car. I can't help this person, it is sad, but we just can only do so much for people.
It's why though I have a hangover this morning. Honest to God, life sucks. I did enjoy that window of sunshine myself, wondering how to help this person.
Ironic how you, Philip a mental health advocate and I, happened to have equal evenings last night wondering how to help people who are unable to be helped. I hope your friend does hear from her friend.But she should be prepared not to.
Cheers.
Posted by Stephany at April 22, 2008 10:42 AM
You and your friend did the best you could and it is sad. I'm sorry. I agree with Stephany though I think it's more useful in a way to call this "unresolved grief" than bipolar or schizophrenia. The latter terms don't move us forward really except to a ton of medications that don't work very well and imply something's wrong with his brain. On the other hand let's think back to an 8 year old boy who loses his father abruptly and unexpectedly. A kid that age doesn't have good boundaries yet and is very likely to engage in "magical thinking" and think he had something to do with his father's going missing. Magical thinking like that, if it never gets "attended to", can morph into a lot more serious magical thinking in the form of psychosis as the kid grows up. I think this guy really needs to get in touch with that 8 year old boy again and realize it wasn't his fault. I know this is "squishy" stuff but it makes sense to me. In the meantime not sleeping for a week probably means some med is required to quiet and stabilize him, but keep it at a minimum please. And dare I say it but he needs a supportive living situation with some loving caring people around to look after him until he can settle down to work on that grief with some really empathic person. A pipe dream I realize. That's my take on it for what it's worth.
Posted by Sara at April 22, 2008 11:20 AM
Sad, but you guys were compassionate. Hopefully the guy will make it. I'm with Sara on not labeling the guy. Sounds to me like the system has been invalidating his pain for years, but I don't know. I hope he finds some peace, not the degrading invasive cruelty that is often what folks looking for "mental" health care find, particularly at the bottom of the economic scale.
Posted by Sally at April 22, 2008 01:55 PM
Dear Philip:
I in concept agree with almost everything that has been commented on here at some level or another. Though I wouldn’t go out on a limb and play proxy psychologist at this time. Too many unknowns and lack of sufficient data to make any confirmed type of diagnosis with this individual. I would have to question how the father died in the first place. If in reality that was actually the case, and there was concrete evidence to support that assumption. I have been around to many patients with schizophrenia and related disorders to base a conclusion on pure spoken speech from a person that may or may not fail to differentiate sufficiently between reality and unreality. Obviously if this traumatic event were an absolute; then to an eight year boy this would be more than a disturbing event that would stay at the forefront of his life and mind for untold years if he was unable to have the proper support and a genuine grieving process at the time of the event. Another clue I have to go on is he’s been taking psychiatric medications for some form of disorder for some extended period of time. Now whether he is taking them regularly or not is another question. I would only have to guess if he had not slept for seven days whether truly psychotic, schizophrenic, has schizoaffective disorder, or post traumatic stress disorder, he would in all likelihood be demonstrating some pretty bizarre behavioral patterns anywise. The obvious paranoia is definitely an alarm clock ringing somewhere out in the cosmos. And the explanation about how he got this truck has some other aspects of a troubling nature connected to it.
I’m not sure that the diagnosis is really what we are talking about here in all actuality. Here is a very real lonely person in obvious despair, pain, and confusion with a possible serious mental health issue unable to make any long term connections to others and his circumstances. Another in countless line of vagabond others just waywardly moving through life without much quality of professional care or helpful intervention. Sad is an understatement; heartbreaking would probably express it much better. There is really no one to actually blame or point fingers at in this situation. Your friend tried the best she could to befriend this individual in the most caring way possible under these hard and unpredictable circumstances. She should not feel any guilt or misgivings for the actions she took and the perplexing outcome; yet as many of us do, we do feel varied levels of concern and sadness for this person we don’t even know on a personal extent. I gather because so many of us with mental health disorders know that place of loneliness and isolation far too well for us not to feel this inert connection to others in similar situations. I just hope and pray that somewhere down the road this person can find both the help he needs, the peace of mind and nurturing he aspires too, and some closure he much deserves. Having no true human connections you can trust over the long haul in this life time could in many ways preeminently be described as a hell existence on this earth in itself. It can remove your dignity, self respect, quality of life, hope, and faith completely one little painstaking chunk at a time.
Yours Truly
Stan
Posted by stan at April 22, 2008 07:20 PM
My father died when I was 8.Then my ["step"}Dad crashed [died]in his plane a few months ago. Unresolved shit is far too easily dx as "mental illness". The man in this story has not been able, for whatever reason to finish his grief.
Posted by Stephany at April 22, 2008 08:22 PM
Unresolved issues - I pretty much agree with what I have read here. You were compassionate, non threatening and did the best that you could. I hate to see people slip through the cracks which is what we have here. Very sad, but you cannot help those who do not want to be helped.
Posted by Scott Becker at April 22, 2008 09:48 PM
How sad! The last time I saw the Salutatorian of my high school class of 1979, he was wandering the streets--filthy, ragged clothing, unshaven, hair sticking everywhere--stark raving mad, gesticulating frantically and muttering to himself. He had, as it appeared when I knew him, a brilliant mind and a bright future ahead of him. How very little we humans know about the hand we are dealt and what tomorrow may bring.
Posted by preciousrock at April 22, 2008 10:00 PM
Substance abuse can also look a lot like schizophrenia.
Posted by Lisa at April 23, 2008 06:41 AM