April 08, 2009

I'm Living With Self-Hatred And Denial

I knew I would catch some heat when Christopher Lane's interview with me went live on Psychology Today's website yesterday, but have mostly been gratified by the response so far (thanks, Liz Spikol). That said, someone decided to slaughter me in comments on the PT website:

"PsychTodayReader

"This interview was a disgrace. The interviewer, who is a Literature Professor, did not ask anything but softball questions, and let Dawdy viciously attack the work of some of the leading clinicians in the world with nothing to back it up except his opinion. This anti-psychiatry parade, which started with Scientologists and continues with people like Dawdy is destructive to all who are concerned about people with mental illness. 20 years ago they told people with depression to 'pull themselves up by their bootstraps'; today Dawdy tells parents with ill kids, 'let boys be boys.'

"Have too many kids been medicated? Yes. Did the pharma industry act like any other for profit industry? Yes. Is there a need for more regulation? Yes.

"Here's where the rubber meets the road: I was diagnosed with manic depression at age 40, after my life was wrecked for decades. I can only wish that someone had picked it up when I was younger, and had treated it. Sorry Mr. Dawdy; the least you could have done was to acknowledge your own reported manic depression, and your self-hatred and denial over it.

"Psychology Today did a terrible disservice by running this interview."

What is it about (some) people diagnosed with bipolar disorder in their 40s? So often (but not always), they are some of the most aggressive in defending their dx to the point of lashing out at anyone who even mildly disagrees with them. It's an odd phenomenon.

For the umpteenth time, let me be clear: I am not a Scientologist, I am not an anti-psychiatrist. People who want to toss those slurs around are both childish and had better watch their mouths.

"Reported manic-depression?" Earth to commenter, as I've made my readers aware in short before, I don't have manic-depression or bipolar disorder any longer. I was either a bad diagnosis or I'm evidence that the disorder burns out over time or I am a medical freak. Take your pick. I still do experience depressiveness, however. One of these days, I'll get around to writing a long formal piece about all of this.

"Self-hatred and denial?" Um, wow. You sound just like the semi-well-known writer whom I won't identify who told me in an email that I'd either be back on-meds or dead within six months of being taken off-meds in July 2007. It's been 21 months. I'm thriving.

An anonymous commenter added:

"I am concerned at the implication that folks who have been diagnosed with Bipolar I or any other psychotic disorder deserve the stigma and prejudice they get and only people with Bipolar 2 diagnoses or depression do not. No one deserves stigma and prejudice. And running naked down the street is not a typical behavior of people with psychotic episodes and furthers stigma and prejudice."

I'm not quite sure where this reader got that I was laying stigma at the feet of others. But just so we are clear: no one deserves it.

The commenter should also review the DSM as bipolar disorder 1 is not a psychotic disorder, it's a mood disorder. There can be psychotic features in some cases, but psychosis is not a predominant feature of the disorder. Depression and mania on the other hand are far more prevalent.

As for running naked down the street, you might want to check in with the crisis team on just about any big city police force. It's not as uncommon as you'd think or wish to think that the cops do encounter someone with mania running around naked or half-naked. Or so they tell me. Interestingly enough, it's usually men doing the naked running thing. Either way, it's just one behavior among many. I wonder what cleansed, PC-'d-to-death real world behavior he or she would have preferred I use.

Posted by Philip Dawdy at April 8, 2009 12:01 AM
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Comments

I think this person is in a lot of pain and she's projecting it on to you Philip. It can be hard to face the reality that we've created our own problems whether by making bad choices or compulsions we don't fully understand. If she's found that having a diagnosis and meds helpful than that's great for her. But for some of us they've been a disaster and have exacerbated our "symptoms" or created unliveable side-effects. I think when people have made a wreck of their lives for decades getting a dx can relieve long-standing feelings of intense self-loathing. Then anything that questions these concepts which give them relief is experienced as a personal attack.

Posted by: David at April 8, 2009 07:12 AM

Peace be with you Philip

I really liked the interview. I hope I'm expecting a book.

I was disappointed you so easily dismissed the "psychotropics as prophylactics" theory. Even if it doesn't work through "teen screen" it ultimately does create that effect. Once a male gets erection dysfunction, and if they already suffer from depression and low self esteem, then that haunts them every time they try to fall in love. It is in my mind one of the biggest problems our society has do deal with, yet its rarely discussed. Marriages break up, couples split, people commit suicide, murders are committed, because of anti-psychotic induced penile dysfunction.

Why is the most common side effect the least talked about? This is a mans health pandemic. It needs publicity, especially from people like you.

As always I caution against sugar coating anything, because "the wheels on the bus goes round and round."

love eternal
tad

Posted by: tad at April 8, 2009 09:46 AM

Philip,

Congrats on making it to the big time. And knowingly exposing yourself to critics. These things must be discussed. Meanwhile, according to the dsm, if you have bipolar disorder, you never get over it. You have to take meds while asymptomatic but you never can be cured. As you well know, I don't believe this, but it's the party line. I think so many late diagnosed folks are defensive because the diagnosis explains and sometimes excuses lots of painful experiences they've had. Meanwhile, I have to agree with the anon writer that

"I am concerned at the implication that folks who have been diagnosed with Bipolar I or any other psychotic disorder deserve the stigma and prejudice they get and only people with Bipolar 2 diagnoses or depression do not. No one deserves stigma and prejudice."

and with you that

"The commenter should also review the DSM as bipolar disorder 1 is not a psychotic disorder, it's a mood disorder. There can be psychotic features in some cases, but psychosis is not a predominant feature of the disorder."

And point out that there's no consensus on what is or is not psychotic behavior.

Those who are anti psych like me share with those nami types a deep held belief that stigma and discrimination are wrong.

Posted by: Sally at April 8, 2009 10:01 AM

I think that reactions like this come from a place of very deep insecurity. They want to be right, they have faith that they are right...because it does take so much faith. They do not want it challenged, and if you don't agree with them they feel weakness and questions start creeping in.

It's hard when a person thinks they have it all worked out, and then they realize they may not know all the answers. I feel sorry for them. I did that desperate clinging thing once...so I know what that feels like.

Posted by: Ella at April 8, 2009 10:07 AM

I thought what you said in the article was right on target. It's a shame that some people can't read "not right for everyone" without thinking they see "wrong for everyone all the time."

Posted by: Maggie at April 8, 2009 11:21 AM

It is better to be backed up with an opinion based on facts than to be backed up with Pharma bucks and no facts.

Posted by: Lilly NC at April 8, 2009 11:22 AM

Success story re: manic depression - dx with it in my LATE FIFTIES due, in retrospect, to drug interactions that shot me up...then down. After much conferring, reading - incl on here - I am OFF LITHIUM and life is a breath of fresh AIR. Careful taper, and some drug rebound effects, but in a quite literal sense, am born again.

Stick to your guns, Phil.

Posted by: Anon. at April 8, 2009 05:05 PM

There is a lot of dysphoric mania out there, probably more than the euphoric manias that get all the press. Or maybe we're just the ones who seek help for our mood disorders because it sucks whether we're up or down.

Posted by: Jen at April 9, 2009 04:36 PM

I think the PT reader hits on a key point which he/she basically ignores. Pharma company executives have a FIDUCIARY RESPONSIBILITY to make a profit for their shareholders.

It is there job to profit off of the pain and suffering of others.

If that pain and suffering were to be alleviated via some other means besides their tablets... you do the math...

Posted by: Francesco Bellafante at April 11, 2009 07:21 AM
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