Furious Seasons

November 15, 2007

The Web 2.0: When Fake Is Too Real And Leads To A Suicide

Ever since the Internet hit the mainstream in 1995, there has been concern about people on the 'Net hectoring someone into killing themselves. It's a concern of mine and one reason why I closely monitor comments on this site. You never know what kind of creep might happen along and decide to mess with people and what might end up happening. Of course, there are the suicide cults on the 'Net in Asia and there have been reports in the Seattle area of teens talking each other into killing themselves via instant messenger. This case is different. It's one that makes me shake with rage. It is a very upsetting story, so make sure you can handle it if you click on the link.

This time out a full grown adult, a woman no less, created a fake MySpace profile and used it to trick a depressed friend, a girl, of her teen daughter into thinking she was liked by a hot boy. This happened in Dardenne Prairie, Mo. Then she turned the tables on the girl, who happened to be on meds and whose parents tried to monitor her MySpoce use, and told her that everyone hated her and she needed to die. And so the 14-year-old girl proceeded to hang herself. This happened in October 2006.

"She [a neighbor in the know] told the Meiers [the parents] that Josh Evans [fake hot boy] was created by adults, a family on their block. These adults, she told the Meiers, were the parents of Megan's former girlfriend, the one with whom she had a falling out. These were the people who'd asked the Meiers to store their foosball table....
"Megan had gone on vacations with this family. They knew how she struggled with depression, that she took medication.

"'I know that they did not physically come up to our house and tie a belt around her neck," Tina says. "But when adults are involved and continue to screw with a 13-year-old - with or without mental problems - it is absolutely vile.

"'She wanted to get Megan to feel like she was liked by a boy and let everyone know this was a false MySpace and have everyone laugh at her.

"'I don't feel their intentions were for her to kill herself. But that's how it ended.'"

When the Meiers found out about this after their daughter's death, they chopped up the table and dumped it in their neighbors driveway (if it were me, I would've broken something else). The neighbors had the nerve to report the damaged table to the police. The local paper has not named these people due to the fact that there is a teen girl at home, who's an innocent in this. I hope this family has the good sense to leave town because sooner or later their identities will get out. As they should. Because they are not going to face any criminal charges.

This is the most disgusting account of the misuse of social networking sites that I have ever encountered. It's worse than all the pedophiles on MySpace and Facebook and NBC "Dateline" stuff put together. It's precisely the kind of thing I've worried could happen on MySpace--adults creating fake identities and harassing vulnerable people into doing regrettable things. I've been worried about it because something vaguely similar happened to me. (I'm not trying to take away from the Missouri story and the Meiers' pain. Just trying to illustrate how malicious some adults can be and how easily this shit goes down on the 'Net.)

Two years ago, I was a very active user of MySpace, especially of the support groups on there for bipolar disorder, depression and suicide because I figured it was my place as an older bipolar who's somehow gotten through all the hell of it to the other side to help out all the others (because their doctors, families and the mental health system don't seem to be particularly helpful to them). I wanted to encourage them that there was hope and that that hope was staring them in the mirror each morning. Once, I talked a teen out of killing himself. Another time, a suicidal teen found some words I had written in a thread on suicide and wrote to tell me that I had saved his life. All positive stuff.

And, then, one day several guys--of course, it was guys!--began showing up in the bipolar groups and set about harassing posters in various threads. Stuff too ugly to repeat (the group moderator did a good job of taking down posts but it took time and so the posts would sit there and work their rot in the meantime). Some of the members of the groups are, shall we say, extremely vulnerable, fragile plants (often on way too many meds). As a longtime Nethead, I knew that the best way to handle flamers such as them was to ignore them completely. I tried that approach, but unfortunately others in the group couldn't ignore them and began falling apart in that surreal way that support groups are heir to. These guys were openly telling 15-year-olds to go overdose on meds. No lie.

So I began responding to the flamers' posts. They began emailing me on MySpace, saying deeply nasty shit. One of them began saying racist crap--he must've known my deep hatred for skinheads that goes all the way back to my punk days in the 80s--and I fired back. Then they stole my profile information and pictures and created several fake profiles of me. They turned me into a man who had sex with cats--yes, they stole my cats' pics--and a Chinese woman and I don't even remember what else. They created a phony tribute group on MySpace, which at one point had something like 400 members (mostly teens who will apparently click "Approve" to every group invite they get). They hassled people on my friends list. And so on.

I reported them to MySpace customer service, which did not respond to me. Since I was still working as a reporter fulltime, I contacted MySpace's media department, which also blew me off (nice group you've got there, Tom). As odd as it sounds, I became scared to log onto MySpace. God only knew what awaited me that day and while I had a bit of adult distance from it, I wondered how less experienced souls might do under a similar onslaught. Finally, customer service got a hold of me, and started giving me the third degree about proving my identity and the accusations I was making. It took me two days to convince them I was on the up-and-up. They deleted all the flamers accounts and blocked them.

A day later, the flamers were back and we went through another two rounds of fun over the next week before they disappeared for good. As it happened, someone claiming to be a friend of theirs wrote me and asked me why I was giving them such a hard time. They were just bored guys looking for some cheap fun, she told me. It was all a big joke that I wasn't cool enough to get. I asked her if they'd done this before and she said that, yes, they done the same kind of thing in a cancer survivors group on MySpace (no idea if that was true).

After that experience, I have little trouble believing that there are adults evil enough and warped enough to tell a troubled teen to go die.

I'm not sure if these two separate stories have a moral aside from serving as a warning--for the millionth time--to people to be very leery of what they run into on the 'Net. Because the Web 2.0 can be very real even when it is at its most fake. That's something the wealthy, privileged propagandists of the Web 2.0 have yet to figure out a way to grapple with. And that's why I hardly use MySpace anymore. Or Facebook. Or Tribes. Or Bebo. Or Friendster. Or....

Posted by Philip Dawdy at November 15, 2007 12:05 AM

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Comments

My friend Bart always used to tell me that there's a special place in Hell reserved for bicycle thieves.

I hope those anonymous, cowardly shits enjoy it.

Posted by: Puckett at November 15, 2007 12:05 AM

The law provides for redress by recognizing a tort of intentional infliction of emotional distress. Below are excerpts from the Restatement of Torts (a legal summary of facts and causes of action giving rise to torts) on this topic. The facts are taken from old but actual court decisions -- those things really happened.

(1) "A, an eccentric and mentally deficient old maid, has the delusion that a pot of gold is buried in her back yard, and is always digging for it. Knowing this B buries a pot with other contents in her yard, and when A digs it up, causes her to be escorted in triumph to the City Hall, where the pot is opened under circumstances of public humiliation to A. A suffers severe emotional disturbance and resulting illness. B is subject to liability to A for both." (Restatement (2d) of Torts, Section 46 at 75.)

(2) "A knows that B. a Pennsylvania Dutch farmer, is extremely superstitious and believes in witchcraft. In order to force B to sell A his farm A goes through the ritual of putting a 'hex' on the farm, causing B to believe it is bewitched so that crops will not grow on it. B suffers severe emotional distress and resulting illness. A is subject to liability to B for both." (Ibid at 75, 76. See also, Wilkinson v. Downtown, 2 QED 57 (1897), Nickerson v. Hodges, 146 La. 735, 84 So. 37 (1920), Bielitski v. Obadiak, 15 Sask 153; DLR 627 (1922), and Great Atlantic and Pacific Tea Co. v. Roch, 160 Md. 189; 153 A. 22 (1931).)

Posted by: Red Rover at November 15, 2007 04:33 AM

I've seen some of the same comments on sites devoted to young women struggling with eating disorders. I don't understand it. To get pleasure out of inflicting more pain on someone who is already suffering is beyond my comprehension.

~Lisa

Posted by: Lisa at November 15, 2007 06:10 AM

One thing that constantly surprises me is the boundless capacity for evil in the human animal (luckily I'm also surprised by our boundless capacity for good every now and then).

In this account it appears the woman was trying to "help" the mentally ill girl. And that the girl was on meds, and that folks are still thinking it's the deceased teenager, not the adult who pulled off this elaborate, time consuming evil farce, who is mentally ill. The woman is a narcissistic sociopath who is so far from thinking that what she did was wrong that she called the police when the broken desk showed up in her yard.

I'm thinking premeditated murder and death penalty for this b*tch. And think about this, did the poor kid really have a thought disorder, being unhappy in such a cruel world or is it the world and not the child that needs to change, and of course, another psych med related suicide.

Posted by: Sally at November 15, 2007 08:00 AM

When the Prozac Survivors Support Group reached 1,000 contacts with sufferers by phone and snail mail, I believe this was in 1998, they took a tally of the calls and realized that the top 5 complaints were not suicide or even violent behavior but: 1. divorce [usually following an abrupt personality change] 2. running away from home [both kids and adults - the adults sometimes also fell into the divorce category later] 3. bizarre behavior and 4. REJECTION SENSITIVITY

In regard to this rejection sensitivity, I believe that everyone should be on guard about making a callous remark to others - never know when others are on Prozac/SSRIs. Having discovered this about rejection sensitivity, I make it a point to try and be nice to everyone now and it has made me into a better person. I used to be "crabby" sometimes.

As far as this horrible case goes, - I think the mother who committed this crime against this young vulnerable girl is either a hardened criminal since she seems to show no remorse [calling the police about the table] or else she is on an SSRI herself. Emotional Blunting was listed at number 5 by the Prozac Survivors Support Group.

Posted by: Rosie at November 15, 2007 01:47 PM

It takes a lot of confidence to do it, but it's possible to take these kind of posters apart in the nicest possible way. 'Mail me if you want more detail, but the easiest way to undermine them (and turn the tables very quickly) is to have them justify their comments - don't ever bother to defend your own position, just attack theirs with questions:

Troll: You dumbass - that was the stupidest thing I ever read. You're a moron, and you should get your facts right, before you post... etc, etc, etc.
Me: That's an interesting analysis: which of my facts are incorrect?

If they even bother to come back, you can carry on in this way, until their argument implodes.

Matt

Posted by: Matthew Holford at November 15, 2007 02:22 PM

Actually, as an afterthought, the above works even better if a third party "mediator" comes in with that line, in defence of somebody who's being attacked. Something neutral, but somehow cold and controlled, at the same time:

"That's interesting. I hadn't noticed that any poster on here was a moron. Perhaps you could explain that to me?

Matt

Posted by: Matthew Holford at November 15, 2007 06:40 PM

I read the actual newspaper account and it’s so awful, so tragic and so sad that you desperately want to believe it's fiction, not a true story. The anonymity of cyberspace fuels the lies and falsehoods---as if cruelty and harassment in real life aren’t bad enough.

It reminds me of a similar kind of cruelty that was inflicted on my daughter when she was 14 and had lost her beloved father 6 months earlier. She had been hospitalized for major depression and suicide attempts and was oh-so-fragile. Her so called “friends” would leave vulgar and threatening messages on our voicemail. Her school counselor, therapist and I told her that she needed to confront her tormentors --- in a safe environment with adults present. She refused, saying that doing so would only make her life more hellish. She ended up transferring to another high school, where she knew no one, and had to survive yet another change/"loss." She will never forget nor forgive those nasty girls nor will I.

That trusted adults played such a major role in tormenting Megan is beyond reprehensible. If I were Megan's mom, I think I'd be capable of damaging more than a foosball table. I can not imagine the agony, grief and rage that Megan's parents will have to live with for the rest of their lives. My heart bleeds for them.....

Posted by: Nancy at November 15, 2007 09:47 PM

This was a hard article to read, I wouldn't have read it if it wasn't on here.

I cried a few months ago when the bloke in England killed himself on the internet because people were egging him on.

Suicide isn't a joke, it's painful, and it leaves a great deal of mess and horror in it's wake from the survivors. I went to a suicide survivor group once. A friend of mine died by his own hand. I don't want to put that on any of my friends.

Kudos for you Phil for tackling this topic and writing about it.

But you are wrong about something.You mention you saved 2 people's lives in the article.

You are wrong. You've saved another life as well. At least that I know of.

Posted by: susan at November 16, 2007 05:10 AM

Last week there was a fascinating article about the Megan Meier story in The New Yorker. Here's the url: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/01/21/080121fa_fact_collins
Among other things we learn that Megan was put on Celexa, Adderall and Geodon in the third grade! Also the 18 year old assistant to Lori Drew is now in a psychiatric hospital as a result of her role as one of the principle correspondents to Megan from the site. And Megan's parents are getting a divorce. Why do I think that Megan may not have been the only one taking psych medication in this saga? There surely is enough abhorrent behavior and personal responsibility to go around and I don't believe the "blame" is really limited to any one person here. At the same time I sure would like to investigate just how much of a role psych meds really might have been playing in this. I think it's substantially larger than anyone has so far considered. The internet is actually the perfect "space" for the mind altering effects of psych medication to take hold and for bizarre behavioral changes to play out without inhibition.

Posted by: Sara at January 26, 2008 09:09 AM