My understanding of Wellness, is the idea for your doc to get you off as many meds and to have you living on the littlest dosage possible. I see a lot of people in my DBSA group come in on 5 or meds and after a few months they are weaned down to one or two.

I myself have been on only lithium since middle 2003.

It could be the meds are working and you have the right cocktail, finally after a life time of trying, or it could be that your life has reached some kind of equilibrium, and you no longer need a cocktail to make it. I hope that is the case both for you, and all your readers ho find you to be an inspiration to us.

What happened to cause you to get on meds in the first place is one question that comes to mind.

I believe it is you that made it work, through self-discovery and awareness into managing life, moods, etc.to get off of them.

oh---who knows--I can't tell with the info you gave us what exactly your story is with the drugs. My instinct, though it may be biased, is that the drugs don't do a whole hell of a lot.

My neurologist told me once that an episode has a life of it's own whether medicated or not. And that drugs often confuse the picture by adding symptoms.

I know my story (trialed and took 37 drugs in 20 years) involves drugs spinning me out and causing me to take more drugs. (this I know in retrospect--while living it it was unclear to me) I'm now off the majority of my meds--but still withdrawing--(my blog is that journey for those of you that don't know.)

I just want you to know you are one more inspiration for me. I now am aware of hundreds and networked with thousands of people either recovered or withdrawing and in the process of recovery.

Congrats again! I believe we heal everyday. I am angry at the doctor who yelled at me 22 years ago, "You need to face it--you have a disease and you will be sick for the rest of your life!" He scared the shit out of me and convinced me--even though he had poor evidence for this conclusion--my mania was drug induced. The psychiatric drugs added on continued the downward spiral.

Yes we heal and recover!

Sorry for the rambling quality of this comment.

I also have something to say about this here.

Thanks for addressing that. I didn't think you'd actually respond. Makes me wish I'd never used the smiley. Bleh.

Also, I'm glad that you chronicled your history with the medication. I think it gives people a resource to refer to. While medications do different things for different people, documenting your experience with all those different drugs will keep others informed about the possible effects.

Was Ambien (or another hypnotic) the drug you may have forgotten? That would be amusing since amnesia is a side effect! In any case, regarding what you call yourself from now on, I've got the word for it -- lucky. You are one fortunate fellow to get off this stuff and still be writing and thinking as clearly as you do. And in response to Marissa it does seem that people do get better as they get older (if given the chance!). Think John Nash here. Maybe it does have something to do with hormones or other body/brain chemistry that just starts to wind down or maybe we just begin to understand and accept the world for what it is and come to some peace with our environment.

Interesting history. Makes me me want to do mine but it would be longer! The funny thing about meds is that they really hit everyone differently. As far as the ADs, a lot of people that are Bipolar simply can not take them at all, me being one. They completely destabilize me. Now that may or may not have been the case with you but you certainly had some bad side effects.

I don't agree with the Atypicals as first line treatment for Bipolar. They *might* play a role for other issues like a sleep adjunct if someone doesn't want to give you a benzo or a hypnotic but generally I don't think they'll do squat for controlling any (hypo)mania. And they probably won't do much for your any depression. They can calm you down if you're really flipping out but usually only as a temporary measure and again, it depends on your brain and the med. I'm on Seroquel as an adjunct for sleep and it does nothing for anxiety (see my comment on Zyprexa to follow.)

Traditionally, yes Lithium which is the only "true" mood stabilizer or ACs. They all have pros/cons...again, every one can be (s)hit or miss.

You won't pry my Topamax out of my cold, semi-dead hand as it works best for ultradian cycling--which I have. It hits your Temporal Lobe hard so it's truly a hit or miss drug--but if it works, it can work well. Also, it's probably doing triple duty for my seizures and migraines as well. Since I just had another flip out I'm now on Lamictal too. Mood improving...

I've always likened Benzos to a decent pair of shoes--you just have to find the right fit. I've never had any "addiction" problems as they don't make me feel high or anything. They just calmed me down. Oh and a stint on Zyprexa when the benzos didn't cut it but that was brief. It worked and knocked me out like a sledgehammer hit me. My Seroquel and Imovane don't quite do that and yes...I haven't slept properly in...oh how long...chronic insomniac here.

Oh, blah, blah, blah...there's so much more I could say but I'll leave it at that.

Bottom line, meds are so individual for everyone and their brain. Some work for some, some never work for anyone.

I have a friend dx'd with Depression and ADD and finally he just said to hell with it and he seems to be managing without any pharmaceuticals. Great! I say good for him!

Actually one of the lovely things my doctors always told me was that bipolar disorder gets worse with age--that I could expect deterioration over time. I've heard this from a number of doctors. More of their classic bullshit.

Maybe they're not saying that as much anymore, I don't know. I have a nice doctor now that believes in my recovery.

The thing with bipolar "burning out with age" probably has a lot to do with being older and wiser, not giving a shit about the little stuff anymore and feeling more confident in our quirky skin.

You know I never really thought about it till now (thanks for the post and comments) but it does seem that all the older Bipolars I know tell stories of how out of control they were when they were young, the meds they tried, and yet now they don't even need meds at all.
They are just like "fewy on the meds, they never helped for very long anyways".

Maybe it is a bunch of BS that BP gets worse as you get older and it goes untreated. hmmmm, I guess the pharamcuetical industry does have a lot of sway over science. Perhaps this idea is just industry propaganda. You should look into it. Maybe with really bad BPI you are screwed and doomed to get worse with time, but is that he case with all the rest of us beepers? Where's the data on that?

As far as meds helping, hurting or not doing diddly squat goes, I think it just depends on the person, the phase of thier illness and whether or not they get the "right med". They can save your life, but they can also make things worse. And Pdocs rarely even believe you when you say a med seems to be making you feel worse. Thier usual response is "the med could NEVER do that. It is just a coincidence". And then they continue to give you more of the same until you have a complete meltdown and they can no longer chalk it up to your being too crazy to know the difference between med induced states and the normal course of your BP.

My experience is that 85% of the meds I've tried made things worse, either immediatly or over the course of months, OR did nothing.
The other 15% have helped me short term to end mixed episodes, but long term decreased my quality of life (my ability to function well).
So, I am not really gung ho about meds being the main solution to my problems. In fact as far as antidepressants go I think they are worthless crap. I have tried all sorts, and in the end it was AMINO ACID SUPPLEMENTS THAT HELPED!!! immagine that. something OTC and cheap that I can take as needed and get immediate (overnight to a three or four days) relief from.

Sometimes I really wonder how much better off us milder cases of BP etc., might be if we were first directed to try and use lifestyle management, and nutritional methods.

I am absolutely certain that if I had been directed to try certain amino acids FIRST instead of given ADs over and over for years to treat my depression I would be A LOT better off. All the ADs ever did was make me worse. And all the amino acids do is actually work! with no side effects!

So in short - you're not alone in your experience. Sometimes psyche meds are just crap. Yeah they can help, but it is so hit and miss it's no wonder why so many people are "non-complient".