April 24, 2007

A Lot Of Thought

I'm having to do a lot of thinking about my life and my future lately. My back is to the wall, sadly: my rent just went up 10 percent which is something I fear I cannot absorb. I am unemployed and know what it's like to feel fear when you slide your debit card into the reader at the grocery store. The media job market in Seattle is a disaster. It's just as bad elsewhere: The Chicago Tribune and Los Angeles Times are on the verge of announcing major job cuts. There have been sizable cuts at almost every major paper in the country. Magazines do almost all of their work through freelancers at pay rates that haven't changed since the 1980s. I am far from the only journalist whom this is affecting.

It's been like this in the print media world for several years now (since maybe 2001) and it does not appear that the bleeding will ever stop. You can thank Google and Craigslist, among others, for this state of affairs. Meanwhile, complete yahoos have taken over papers like The Village Voice, running many good journalists out of jobs in the bargain. I was one of them. It appears, sadly, that there are just no more jobs out there for mid-career types such as myself. We are either replaceable by cheaper 20somethings or not cool enough to dig whatever new vibe an inexperienced 30-year-old editor thinks is crucial.

Most discouraging to me is that I have made a few substantial article pitches, as they are called, on mental health issues to major publications. In each case, I have not even received a reply much less a "No, thanks." I was especially surprised that that the most progressive major magazine left in this country was among those. If they don't care about this shit, then I can assure you no one does.

What's more, I finished a book proposal in January. I sent it to a bigshot agent in NYC whom an author I know had put me together with. After six weeks of waiting, I finally contacted the agent to see if he'd even read my proposal. He hadn't and so I took it away from him. The proposal has now been at another agent for four weeks and I have heard nothing either.

Compounding matters, the cost of decent housing in Seattle has gotten out of control and will only get worse. There are a lot of rich people and well-off high-tech people moving into town and forcing out the middle and lower classes. In a few years, Seattle will go the way of most of California and become a land of elites--and people who managed to buy a home decades ago--and the struggling classes who serve them. I suspect that I won't be around to see that, but having watched it in California I know it won't be pretty.

The long and the short of it is that I am seriously considering a move (to where I know not), a career change (to what I know not) and ditching this blog. I have worked very hard on this blog for 19 months (as many as 200 hours a month at one point), but I don't think that I am having any impact whatsoever and I have to be an adult and face facts. The pharma companies, Fuller Torreys and NAMIs of the world own this game and the media, such as it is, largely buys into their views on mental health in America. That's OK, I guess. Everyone has to find their own truths in life and I wish everyone a bunch of luck figuring out what the truth is under those circumstances. I've spent the better part of six months since leaving my old job trying to make this all work and stitch together a living and a future--from journalism in whatever form--and it just doesn't look like it's going to work out. I am in need of a lucky break and while my experience is that such things usually happen when you work very hard, I'm afraid that's not the case. I am tired of swimming upstream.

So, yeah, I am giving a lot of thought to things. And I am not sure I like where my thinking is going. Nothing is decided, nothing is certain, but it is all something I have to think through. That's reality. So there you have it.

BTW, I know many of you will want to suggest jobs I ought to do, etc. I appreciate your sentiments in advance, but I can assure you that the money has gone out of the print media world, television is for fools, and suggesting that I do a public relations job is about like me suggesting that you go become a prostitute.

Posted by Philip Dawdy at April 24, 2007 12:01 AM
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Comments

Have you ever thought about having ads on your site to generate some revenue? There's a few bloggers out there that are making a living that way. In the wake of V Tech, there might be possibilities available now that weren't there before. "pharma companies, Fuller Torreys and NAMIs of the world own this game" So what if they do? That doesn't mean that citizen journalism can't illuminate the corupt and the absurd. I get that you have to make a living, but I hope that doesn't mean that you think that what you have been doing has been for nothing. I don't want to suggest a job for you to do, but I would like to figure out how to generate an income for you and then offer suggestions. (I hope this makes sense. I'm a little loopy with the night time meds)

Posted by: Chloe at April 24, 2007 12:09 AM

Shit man if the passion is there keep up the terrific work you are doing on the blog. If one thing, it's making those Pharmaceutical Companies have restelss nights.

I know where you are at. I'm 42 and have been unemployed since the age of 35. I live in a one bedroomed flat which at times is a haven but on other occasions a complete misery.

With the click of a mouse you could send Furious Seasons into oblivion. DON'T DO IT. This site has a wealth of information and you have helped raise awareness not only for me but hundreds, possibly thousands of others.

Phil, this is obviously your choice and nobody can tell you otherwise. Keep banging the drum brother, something will fall into your lap one of these days - you are a good writer and there are many newspapers crying out for good writers - one only has to look at the state of the British tabloids to understand that.

Keep your chin up mate and take comfort in the knowledge that your work has helped many... and will continue to do so - if you let it.

Bob (Seroxat Sufferers Blog)

Posted by: Bob Fiddaman at April 24, 2007 02:13 AM



The long and the short of it is that I am seriously considering a move (to where I know not), a career change (to what I know not) and ditching this blog.



There are two kinds of jobs in my opinion -- those that are your passion and those that allow you to do your passion. In your case, writing seems to be a passion and I can't imagine you ever giving it up even if you should make the decision at some point to stop creating this blog. It may be however, that you can no longer earn a living doing your passion. I can see how the net would have an effect on this; I haven't bought a newspaper or magazine in years. Oddly enough however, my online activities have increased the number of books I buy.



Many people find themselves in the position of having to do a midstream career change. You may be able to secure a new career that allows you to nurture your creative side. On the other hand, a 180 degree change may suit your purposes. As but one example, industry is screaming for tradespeople in my neck of the woods. A two year committment or even an apprenticeship program will get your foot in the door. As a certified journeyman your earning potential exceeds that of most university graduates.



Housing is always a concern and in this culture, bigger is associated with better. As I grow older however I find myself increasingly drawn to the concept of downsizing and simpler living. Here's how some people are managing to do that: Owner Built Homes



I don't envy your position and I'm not terribly fond of change myself but with change always comes the possibility for opportunity. Best of luck to you, and may your new life be as rewarding or even more so than your old one.


Posted by: spiritual_emergency at April 24, 2007 03:30 AM

I agree ith the ads. It may be enough income to keep you where you are and help you ith the book.

Are magazines something you would ant to get into?

Posted by: susan at April 24, 2007 05:50 AM

I remember Philip saying "I think I would lose my lunch if somehow an ad for Zyprexa or Seroquel popped up next to one of my posts" December 28, 2006. Myself I told him to do the ads, it's a dog eat dog world. "In the animal kingdom, the rule is, eat or be eaten; in the human kingdom, define or be defined" T Szasz.
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/thomasszas165823.html

Posted by: Mark(p.s.2) at April 24, 2007 06:55 AM

"pharma companies, Fuller Torreys and NAMIs of the world own this game and the media, such as it is, largely buys into their views on mental health in America."
I think that is about to change.
Besides, YOU ARE BECOMING the LGF of the mental health news world, did you not know that? There are many good minds here. What can we do about this?
Things often are darkest when evil wants you to give up the fight.
More on this later.
Now I have to go think.

Posted by: d at April 24, 2007 07:47 AM

I've been reading the blog for just a few weeks.

I have ten years of NAMI work under my belt, and appreciate the challenge of the NAMI culture. But NAMI was once the premier grassroots activist mental health movement. It can return to that, I think, but it needs to reconnect with all the people who are suffering.

I encourage you engage the NAMI crowd. Do the blog revenue thing if you have to, but stick with it if you can. Add another contributor you can trust if you have to step back a bit.

--pk---

Posted by: Paul Komarek at April 24, 2007 09:05 AM

You know, I've heard several other writers say that since they started blogging or publishing online material, they can't get work in "the old world."

Posted by: Mark at April 24, 2007 09:30 AM

i click on your blog every day, since i discovered it a few months ago. i don't always agree with you. i sometimes to. i think what you are doing provides an invaluable service. i agree with the idea of ads plus a click for contributions. if you sent this up, i will contribute. thanks for what you do. i agree with the comment of one of your readers re aftermath of va. tech - this is an important time for the work you do.

Posted by: marelda parish at April 24, 2007 09:41 AM

.. "but I don't think that I am having any impact whatsoever."

Though you are experiencing much in your life regarding change, and everything you write about in this post; I stand to correct you on the above statement.
This blog opened doors for thinking, learning and understanding complex issues regarding Pharma, medications, civil liberties and mental health, what's right and what's wrong with the mental health system, --the list goes on and on.
You've given a voice to mental health that is fact-based and with reason. You are able to dissect complex issues for those of us who often[im one of them]miss a big point in reading abstracts, etc.
Look at the Cymbalta stories in your comments. Look at how people have written in heartfelt stories about deaths of loved ones from Zyprexa and Seroquel. Look at that side bar of blogs---that many have linked you up for what some bloggers think is "for fun"--and it is, "Thinking Blogger Award". That's a connection you've made with a world-wide reading audience.
So your numbers may be down--so what. Doesn't mean they are reading. In fact, you've inspired many of us to write our own blogs. If you deleted this blog today, it would remove a solid, and reasonable voice in the mental health world that is much needed.

One person can make a difference, and this is where I disagree with your thought of no impact here.

You know, when you were at the SW, you wrote about more than just mental health topics. You are very talented and able to capture a reader's attention with just about any topic you write about.

If you stopped writing this blog--the Fuller's and the NAMIs, and Eli Lilly's will be relieved. I personally would hate to see them receive that victory.


Posted by: Stephany at April 24, 2007 09:52 AM

One of my fantasy "escape routes" is driving an 18-wheeler. Consider that you would have lots of time to work on your podcasts - while driving as well as at the truck stops. I think that the truckers are online while rolling these days, too.

Posted by: Matt Platte at April 24, 2007 10:00 AM

try adsense. It can't hurt. We won't hold it against you that you need the money.

Posted by: mathilda at April 24, 2007 10:08 AM

I agree with the PayPal idea. You have a lot of fans. As for ads, don't really understand that one and you'd probably get a lot of AAP ads popping up but, hey, why not, if it brings in some money. Anyway I'm really sad about all this and would really be sorry if you stopped but I know a man has got to eat and have shelter. I still think that if you're pursuing your passion something's going to fall into place but if it's taking too long you've got to modify your course a bit I know. I'm sure you will find some venue for your voice ultimately and really hope you find something that's interesting and exciting for you in the meantime. Sometimes change is good even when it doesn't feel that way at first.

Posted by: Sara at April 24, 2007 11:12 AM

"Mental illness, you see, creates much more than a medical problem. It tosses people into an existential crisis. Your life has changed dramatically and suddenly and for the worse. You were calm before, now you are wild and unpredictable. It wasn't your doing. It was a quirk of nature, a twist of fate. You feel truly screwed. How will you extract some meaning from something so absurd?"--Dawdy

This article Psyched Out is an example of every reason why you must keep writing.If this blog serves as an outlet for that alone; I encourage you do keep at it here. I encourage every one to read this as well as the other articles linked on the left. It is uncommon to read articles such as these in newspapers, and these were published in one. If it wasn't for reading the No Exit article, I never would have been forewarned as to what to expect once my daughter arrived at Western State.

Posted by: Stephany at April 24, 2007 11:34 AM

hi Philip,

i wish i had some job advice for you, but i have been lousy all my life at both finding and keeping jobs.

that being said, i really, really hope you can keep writing the blog.

there have been many days where i, like most--if not all--people who are manic-depressive, have felt like not living. often, on those days, it was your blog that kept such sentiments at bay. yes, your blog has helped me to stay alive. no, i am not exaggerating.

if you end up doing something with paypal, i will donate. it's the least that i can do.

Posted by: miranda at April 24, 2007 05:53 PM

Ho for goodness sakes, Philip. Marriage is a form of prostitution, too. We wives and kept women prefer to be known as sex workers these days.

You're one of the few independent voices in mental health advocacy and journalism. Nobody talks back to power better than you do. Please put up a tipping jar and keep blogging!

Have you had a midlife crisis yet? Change directions. Relocate. But don't give up. Don't give in.

Your fan,
Moira

Posted by: Moira at April 24, 2007 07:50 PM

although i don't believe marriage is a form of prostitution, and i would never want to be a 'kept wife', nor have been--
i agree! get the freaking paypal tip jar on this site. i even digress, as i once said i would kick ass if i saw a zyprexa ad here. *kick em back*.

billy joel had a tip jar. played solo on the piano for many years.

do it.

Posted by: Stephany at April 24, 2007 09:32 PM

Oh, Philip, I feel your pain over housing costs, job disappearance, balancing passion and financial survival.

But I'm with Moira. Do keep writing, do find a way to continue your work. It does make a difference.

Posted by: Deborah at April 25, 2007 06:41 AM

Hey, if you want to save money you probably qualify for AARP this year!!!! HAHAHAHA..Don't post this...The offer is still open if you want to look for a job in June...

Posted by: Angie at April 25, 2007 08:10 AM

You said, "I don't think that I am having any impact whatsoever," and I must disagree with you. Your blog has taught me a lot of things, and without it, I'd probably still believe that my only choices were being on high dosages of multiple meds, including AAPs as maintenance treatment, and constantly being told that the side effects were not as bad as I thought they were, or being unmedicated forever and then feeling guilty if I couldn't always control my moods perfectly without meds.

I don't want to give the impression that you should keep maintaining this blog for my benefit. Believe me, I am not the only person who has benefited from reading your blog, but I'm not saying you have to keep blogging for all of us, either. Two hundred hours a month is a lot of work, and only you can decide if it's worth it to keep that up. It might not be the impact you hoped you'd have. Big pharma still doesn't give a shit about any of us. Yet. All I'm saying is, don't sell yourself short. You have had an impact upon all of us who regularly read your blog, and that is not nothing.

Posted by: Polly at April 25, 2007 09:53 AM

I LOVE Billy Joel!!!

Posted by: Gwen at April 25, 2007 01:37 PM

I also LOVE Avril Lavinge!!! She's the best.

Posted by: Gwen at April 25, 2007 01:43 PM

avril and billy have what to do with mental health?

Posted by: Philip Dawdy at April 25, 2007 02:04 PM

Stephany mentioned Billy Joel! And I just had to say how I concered with what an amazing artist he is. He's awesesome! I have almost all of his CDs, and he's just so good! I listin to him all the time. See, I really like today's pop and rock music, and usually have little tolerance for 60s or 70s music, but Billy Joel, is like timeless! I love it! He's the best! He's a genius!

And then, if I mentioned how much I like Billy Joel, of course, I have to say how much I like Avril Lavigne! I LOVE Avril Lavinge! She's my hero! She's brilliant! Avril's my muse because she is just a few months older than me, and is accomplishing so much with her life, and I want to be like that too. Avril is my inspiraiton!

Anyway, Avril and Billy are very important people in my life, and they rock the house. I think everyone should go out and by an Avril or Billy CD right now. Your ears will thank you!

Posted by: Gwen at April 25, 2007 06:53 PM

HI Gwen,

I mentioned Billy Joel as an analogy to never giving up. Singing solo against all odds.

I think of you often, and hope you are doing well. :-)

--Stephany

Posted by: Stephany at April 25, 2007 07:57 PM

Philip, have you pitched to Alternative Medicine yet? They are a great mag with a honest approach to psychiatry. Keep up the good work, D

Posted by: Denise at April 26, 2007 12:16 AM

Hey Philip,



I started writing a response that got way too long so I just posted it on my blog. Read it if you'd like.

Posted by: Marissa Miller at April 26, 2007 12:58 PM

Besides reading Marissa's read these as well Philip.

On Frustration, Bipolar Blast

Inclusion, Writhe Safely

Posted by: Stephany at April 27, 2007 08:59 AM

You know I was thinking. Do you realize how grateful I was to find a place that someone was writing about everything I have been saying to psychiatrists re: meds, and kids, and how the meds can induce behaviors, etc? I had never come across anyone else who shared my thought that I have been pounding into pdocs heads for 8 years.
I dare say, that even if you wrote one entry a week, it would help move this thought forward.
Isn't time for all of us to march in lock step?
forward? remain focused on the goal, and not lose sight of the battle?

Posted by: Stephany at April 27, 2007 04:58 PM

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