Furious Seasons

January 30, 2007

Prozac And Me

Over the weekend, I was reading the first part of David Healy's Let Them Eat Prozac, the British psychiatrist's account of how Prozac and other SSRIs such as Paxil screwed up some patients, weren't particularly good anti-depressants at all and how Eli Lilly and other pharma companies worked to cover up all of that with the assistance of various "independent" academics.

Not too far into the book, Healy recounts the bad experiences of several patients in the initial clinical trials for Prozac as well as the dicey experiences of some of his own patients to whom he gave the drug in the late-1980s. Patients who couldn't sit still after taking Prozac. Patients who developed worse depression than they had previously after having their dose of Prozac increased. Patients whose minds began racing. Patients who had suicidal ruminations. Patients who attempted suicide. And so on.

I saw myself in these patients. (For newcomers, here's a recent post in which I finally went into my experiences on Prozac and Paxil.) I want to stress to readers that the following is in no way an attempt to scare you off-meds or anything of the sort. It is an invitation, however, to be educated about what you take and to take what docs and pharma companies and advocacy groups tell you with a grain of salt.

For the past 13 years or so, I have been trying to account for the days of 1991 to 1994 when I was wildly suicidal, couldn't focus on work, had all kinds of odd images in my mind and had such intense suicidal ruminations that I could literally taste gun metal in my mouth.

This was also the same time during which I had a doc--who frankly knew no better, given the information available at the time--jerking me around on Prozac from 20 mgs. to 80 mgs, and, then, giving me Paxil later on.

What I have been trying to account for is whether it was the meds or me or some combination thereof. Here's how I put it to my parents in a recent email:

"While I don't yet fully buy bad side effects as a description of what went on with me, what Healy reports does indeed overlap with many of my experiences between 1991 and 1994 when I was on Prozac, Paxil and Zoloft, and then in 2002 and 2003 when I was on Lexapro. I don't blame the docs. Since Eli Lilly (and others) was suppressing clinical trials information and thought leaders in psychiatry were denying these symptoms were the drug's fault--or even could be, but that instead it was the illness at work--there was no way my very overwhelmed docs could have picked up on this. And I didn't know enough as a patient to bring the symptoms I was having to their attention.
It is chilling after all these years to realize that I almost killed myself over the side effects of a drug. It should also tell you a great deal about who I am that I was able to not do that. Quite a few people--as in thousands--have killed themselves while on these drugs, or right after beginning to take them. They do work well for about 25 percent to 30 percent of the people who take them, but, for the remainder, they are risky in a way that doctors have been slow to acknowledge. Neither are they quite the suicide prevention technology that some researchers claim. The SSRIs and SNRIs are remarkably weak technology and hardly worth basing a medical revolution upon. (Revolution? What revolution? you ask. Ah, that'd be the psychopharmacological revolution. The one that was supposed to end depression and redeem schizophrenics and so on.)

What's interesting also is that in either late-94 or early-95 I figured that these anti-depressants weren't doing much for me so I stopped taking them. I didn't touch another SSRI long-term--there are other anti-depressant types out there--until 2002, when I tried a new one, Lexapro, which my doc assured me had none of the problems of the earlier SSRI anti-depressants. It worked OK for me for a time, and in an experiment in the spring of 2003, I went off-meds for the first time in 14 years as a diagnosed bipolar (it was an experiment to see what my baseline was like). But, then, I started having small bouts of depression and, panicking, called my then-doctor. He promptly restarted my earlier regime of Depakote, Lexapro and Risperdal. The very next day, my heart started racing so much and I was so wound up internally--and like the docs told us patients, I blamed the disease--that I almost took myself to an ER for monitoring. I went off Lexapro and another drug (Risperdal) the next day (my then-doctor agreed with that move when I saw him soon after). The problem disappeared. My current drivers license picture, taken a few days after the 2003 problems, shows just how screwed up Lexapro and Risperdal made me. My face was fat, puffy and I looked completely frazzled. And this was after being on these meds for two or three days."

Years later, I am fairly convinced that SSRIs caused too many problems for me to escape the uncomfortable fact that they were part of the problem, perhaps the key part. I am not bitter about that. I am not angry. I am at peace. I have the luxury of having survived it all. Others have not been so lucky. There's not much I can do about any of it now, except to tell the truth about SSRIs and atypical antipsychotics the best way I know how. Perhaps that will help out someone else.

Posted by Philip Dawdy at January 30, 2007 12:03 AM

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Comments

I would just like to say, that drugs don't cause people to (purposely) kill themself. They can do many thing that LEAD to suicide.They can make you feel horrible, they can make a different personality become dominant(my normal balance of optimism/pessimism went all negative to pessimism), and it can impare judgement(irrational thinking) like the drug alcohol.

When someone feels horrible, pessimism, and impared judgement, bad things can and do happen.

Posted by: Mark at January 30, 2007 09:47 AM

I actually do not agree with Mark. I think antidepressants can so alter the mind and create such a chemical imperative that suicide (or homicide) may be inevitable. Furthermore they alter consciousness so that one may commit the act when one is not in a normal state of consciousness. SSRIs suppress the muscle paralysis that normally occurs in REM sleep for instance enabling a victim to act out a dream (or in this case a nightmare). One may be in such an intensely dissociative state that one imagines one is in a dream when in fact one is really killing oneself or others.

Posted by: Sara at January 30, 2007 01:44 PM

So in dreams its ok to kill people? no one told me the rules.

Posted by: Mark at January 30, 2007 07:19 PM

Mark, why don't you educate yourself about the case of Christopher Pittman who murdered his beloved grandparents at the age of 12 after being (brutally and ignorantly, I would say) prescribed Paxil, withdrawn abruptly, and then given Zoloft at unconscionable doses? Do you honestly think this poor child who had no idea what he was doing should spend 30 years in jail? If you do, then go for it. Of course meds doesn't make killing "all right" but if we don't expose what's really going on here it's going to keep happening. Take a look at ssristories.com for a lot more where this comes from.

Posted by: Sara at January 31, 2007 01:37 PM

I wasn't talking of children. I think it should be illegal to give mind altering drugs to children.
Children don't have the legal ability to drink(alcohol), drive, vote, etc and have little life experiance, and no say in the "helpfull" psychiatric medicine they are told to take.
In Canada the child would not get 30 years, locked up until 18 years old (and ironically treated by psychiatry during those years)

Expose? who do you want to expose? I think you want to blame the drug(s)? I don't blame the drug, it's the people who have the power to "help" the mentally ill by prescribing/forcing drugs . Why not blame psychiatry? If psychiatry didn't have ssri drugs they would use some other kind of mind altering drug. The drug isn't the problem, its the fools who give it(as a cure) for emotional and cognitive problems.

Posted by: Mark at February 1, 2007 11:55 PM

I do most definitely blame the drugs but it's not limited to that. I also of course blame psychiatry and the medical profession for buying into the pharmaceutical industry's marketing and junk science and for our society and culture for their addiction to the quick fix. Our healthcare system is focused on the allopathic model that is all about selling sickness and promoting treatment -- not about health and healing. But certainly the drugs themselves are a huge part of the problem as their neurotoxic effects are harming people and destroying lives every single day and few people recognize what's going on.

Posted by: Sara at February 3, 2007 12:29 PM

I have had suicidal feelings and thoughts from a very young age but I never once acted on these suicidal thoughts/feelings until I was given an Antidepressant of the SSRI type. And I most certainly never acted violent or even felt rage until, after I was put on an SSRI, and while under the influence.

I am more than certain that these drugs can cause someone who is as shy and sweet as a mouse (but yes, a bit sad and depressed) to loose thier head and become a real danger to themselves and others. It happened to me.

I have had two (2) very very (suicide attempts)bad reactions with SSRIs, as well as having had four (4) very unpleasant reactions that only lead me to feel angry, paraniod and anxious. The drugs provided either no relief or relief for only a short window of a weeks, befor this would happen. I was told these things were my illness and not the medications and that is why I tried more than one. I have educated myself otherwise since, had I not done so I may well have been sweet talked into trying yet another one, by yet another miss-informed psyche doc.

There is no question in my mind that these drugs carry a huge risk, and in my case were more dangerous than the disease they are meant to treat.

I think the black box warnings should be extended to all people taking Antidepressants, not just children/teens.

these are half assed treatments at best and due to my experience I would never recommend anyone to use them befor trying ALL other options. Such as: exercise, diet, light boxes, suppliments (5HTP, St.Johns Wart, DL-Phenylalanine, Omega-3's etc).

I in fact have found dietary suppliments MORE beneficial in treating my depression than any psyche drug I have been on, with the exception of Lamictal. And I never would have thought that someone like me (big fan of science and medicine here) would be headed to the vitamin shop rather than the doctors office for reilief of what ails them.

Posted by: katielou at February 6, 2007 05:55 PM

Thank you for this post.
I've talked about it on my blog, and being new to 'blog ettiquette' feel the need to give this a 'shout out', 'hat tip', 'yay'.

Thanks,
Stephany

Posted by: Stephany at February 9, 2007 06:59 PM

I'm glad that I haven't taken prozac for a long period of time. But unfortunately, it's the only thing that helps offset the effects of Effexor XR. Hopefully, there are no long-term effects for others taking prozac for a short period of time.

Then there are Peter Breggin's rants...

Posted by: Marissa Miller at February 26, 2007 11:12 AM