I've come to the conclusion that no one is real. Except me. It's kind of sad becuase that means that I'm all alone in the world, but it's so, so true: No one is real except me. My doctor's not real; Philip is not real; my mentor for my scholarship is not real -- no one. It's sad but true.

You know, everyone exhibits symptoms of mental illness. Hell, who among us hasn't demonstrated the classically OCD behavior of having to check the door a few times because we aren't sure if we locked it or not? These screenings seem like nothing more than a crass attempt by Big Pharma to drum up new customers by selling them more shit that they don't need instead of a doctor telling them to actually confront and deal with their problems in an emotionally healthy and productive way instead of repressing the shit until it boils up inside them and manifests itself in self-destructive behaviors.

Whew. Looks like I can still bust out a one-minute tirade when called for.

I got a mild case of Seritonin Syndrome. Anyone ever hear of it? It's where you get akasthesia and feel neausous and weak, and I read that some people have to be hospitlaized and even die from it. My gosh, I felt so bad a couple of days ago that I thought I was going to have to take a medical leave of absence for this quarter. But then my doctor gave me something to counteract it -- so now I'm all better! It feels good to feel good. NEVER play with your meds during school!!!

I had this problem with my daughter when she was 11 yrs old. Overzealous wanne-be mental health screener-teacher told me she was suicidal because she was looking down from a balcony.
No shit.
I also work in schools, and you can be fired for diagnosing or even hinting at a dx to a parent.

The staff does, behind parents backs, bitch and complain about kids on meds and on bad days "did they take them?".

I have the unfortunate ability to hear this bullshit per my job and those teaachers have no idea what this is like.

I myself, have been questioned over and over on days my daughter was raging out of control on Zoloft, if she took her meds that day, when they called me to pick her up.

YES

Don't get me started.

Mental health professionals are not the same as teachers and so on.

Fine lines are walked, by sending teachers to classes for 3 hours a year to "learn the signs".

Hell some pdocs don't know the signs.

I was having an appointment with my scholarship advisor, and of course, she knows all about how I have schziophrenia and how I write a lot about mental illness and such. Anyway, she was reading my proposal, and then we both hear some person outside her office say "That's totally insane!" My advisor then smiles, looks up, and asks me, "Does that ever offend you?" I smile too. "No," I respond. "When people say that kind of thing, they're not -- at least most of the time -- trying to be offensive. It's just how English coversation has evolved." "Good to hear," she says. And then goes back to reading my paper.

Does anyone anyone feel differently than I do?

I haven't experienced this problem myself but can see your point. On the other hand, I wish someone would have said to my parents, "Your daughter needs help", because maybe I wouldn't have had to go through twenty-eight years of hell before I was diagnosed and properly treated.
Meanwhile, my parents are taking this NAMI class in colorado, and they come home every week going on and on about how lucky I am that I'm med compliant and doing so well because everyone else in their class has kids in jail or on the streets. So I don't know about that 80% figure. If that's true, then I wish everyone would quit telling me how lucky I am because it's annoying.

I have all this homework to do, and all these articles to write, and I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed. Stop the madness! And this site is a HUGE distraction. I should really stop reading and writing on this thing when I have work to do. Man, I feel really overwhemled. And I have a problem with realness right now. Anyway, I just need to shut up and do this freakin work of mine!

The trendiness of mental illness makes me sick. Woody Allen nailbiters, so harmful to the credibility of people who live with severe and persistent mental illness. Jeff, my soul mate has bi-polar, the extent of which few can imagine, and he is stuck right now in a psych ward because effin NAMI got to his family and they all convinced Jeff to make his dad power of attorney. So dad put him in the state hospital indefinitely, and has agreed to an infantilizing lifestyle program of enrichment or some shit a degree above basket-weaving, and of course he agrees to go back on Lithium, which negates his agency even more. I could just cry. My friend Jeff is one of the archetypal madmen the poets wrote about, the most perceptive human being I've ever known, but when he goes mad it's all the way, and the depressions nearly kill him, and now he's lost his self-determination. He never asked for any of it, so yeah, the fashionable side of mental illness is a puzzler, in light of what mental illness does to an actual sufferer.

Also, I pimped Furious Seasons at a B-list lefty blog today, which linked to some story you did on Star Wars. Who loves ya baby?

RE: NAMI.

This was my constant struggle. My daughter sought treatment voluntarily, and ended up part of the court system, due to insurance cap on inpatient running out.

Being in mental health court for nearly a year on a weekly basis, I would avoid the traditional waiting area for parents and caregivers.

I was so tired of hearing old women drone on and on about how "long I have been doing this".

I needed help from the people helping my daughter and that was to speak freely with me, as a parent of a legal adult, their hands were tied, and I never wanted a guardianship. I never wanted to feel like I owned someone, or remove a freedom, I can tell everyone, that NAMI pushes for this type of thing.

I am not saying they cannot be support to those who need it, but it just is not my cup of tea.

What I wanted to say to those women, who obviously walked the road to helping their adult children longer than I have done...was "why havent you done something to change this system?".

My goal, after seeing this defunct, under-funded and inadequate system of taking care of mentally ill people in our country, is to change it for the better...to make it easier on those who will follow our trails.

I feel those women were of course there out of love for their children, not questioning this at all, so was I.

But the sitting down and whining part:

Change this.

NAMI offered to have me speak about my advocacy ability for one of their groups. I may do that one day, and I think the people sipping coffee and saying "woe is me" will be a little surprised.Because I will be requiring them to get out of their chairs take action, with advice on how to do it.

I am sorry "flawedplan" about your friend Jeff. I know that this last year seeing my daughter in a hospital setting (several) was horrible.

It was horrible, because, yes, the brilliant mind, unable to work, or function, reduced in her case to shakily putting together bead bracelets...broke my heart.

The word suffer barely describes it.

Take care and don't give up hope.

-Stephany

Here are the questions developed by "TeenScreen" (classroom mental health screenings that are increasingly common and at the center of Bush's freedom task force on mental illness) to weed out mentally ill youngsters. The people who developed these tests must have COMPLETELY forgotten what it feels like to be 13. I don't know a 13 year old who would not answer "Yes" to ALL of these questions:

Think back to your childhood and remember...

1) Did you ever have a song stuck in your head and you just couldn't stop "singing" it? Did it ever last for days? Did you ever try to think of something else?

2) Was there ever a time you didn't feel like playing outside or couldn't find anything to do? ("Mom! I'm bored!, There's NOTHING to do!")

3) Were you ever nervous or anxious when you knew you had to give a presentation in front of the whole class?

4) Did you ever worry before taking a test and then during the test check and recheck your answers?

5) Did you ever want to sleep in until noon?

6) Did your parents ever get worried about you for any reason?

I'm horrrified by this because not only does turning normal adolescent behavior into mental illness create "sick" youngsters that consume powerful, potentially dangerous psychotropic drugs they do not need, but it distracts funding and research from real cases of mental illness in children. These questions are bogus. I challenge anyone to claim that ANY of these questions indicates a mental illness worthy of medication. Mom, I'm bored!

When hanging with my Grandmother, anyone dare to say "Im bored" got you a history lesson, complete with a globe, a seashell from a place she found it, such as Fiji, or a walk in the desert where she lived for plant indentification lectures.

The best thing she ever talk me was the best things in life are free.

She also taught me about the word manic depression, long before I knew it would apply to me or my Mother she was talking about.

She was an avid non-medications person.

When a 11 yr old comes to you sobbing she has (severe) homicidal thoughts, you take some sort of action. That action of mine got her into where I thought she should go. (a psych)

It has been hard to maintain internal respect for any psychiatrist after what has happened to my daughter on medications. All mental illness aside, her body is trashed, and her childhood ruined.

Outwardly, I respect them, treat them with dignity, that I expect returned, and never let them get away without an indepth discussion.

Now they are getting lessons from me on how CLozaril works in the mind and body, and yep, Ive basically walked in the door and said, here is the information you need (again).

One doc appreciates all of my information and likes to hear the anecdotal stories, for which he will benefit. He is smart to listen to me. Most won't.

Just for the record, regarding parents medicating their children. There is not a day that goes by where I do not blame myself for my daughter's life on medication.

Though I fought vigorously to open discussion re: side effects etc. it fell on deaf ears. It wasnt until what I had been saying since 2001 ended up in a FDA warning re: antidepressants, that the docs perked up when they heard me talk.

I think their is some respect there the docs have for me, but that's not what I need, I needed them to hear my words yeaars earlier.

Personal experiences in my life when for instance someone blamed my vocal advocacy for my daughter as being "where she is now" (in hospitals)sent me into a tailspin of guilt, depression, then insomnia, and sealed the deal with mania out of control.

It is a contradiction to have these 2 paths run parallel in your mind, when being a Mother and wanting to keep your child well, safe and happy and blaming yourself for trying to keep your child well, safe and happy. Get it?

To be a patient, and a Mother of 2 patients...shit.

Try and walk in those shoes.