On Male Suicide: A Reader Comment

A reader--ok, one of my closest friends--posted the following in reply to my post on male suicide the other day:

"Maybe it's because society's expectation of us is that we are the straight-laced, button-down go-to-work 8-to-4 / 9-to-5 / 10-to-6 guys.

Maybe it's because by that age, we're realizing that most of our dreams are unfulfilled and likely to remain that way.

Maybe it's because all we see ahead of us is an endless succession of cubicles in a grid layout, writing this or that report for this or that asshole boss. I told you the other night about someone whose very presence all but constitued a hostile work environment - maybe some of us are seeing 50 years of that staring them in the face with increasing uncertainty in the political, economic, ecological and other landscapes and deciding that it simply isn't worth sticking around to find out what happens next.

Some amount of that has to be the result of undiagnosed mental illness (i.e. mental pain), but I wonder how much of it is also due to socialization - after all, boys are generally taught to do, not whine, and I'm sure that suicide seems like an amazingly simple and convenient way out of things.

Based on all these ideas, it's easy to see the responsible family man bearing the weight of a life he didn't want buying a life insurance policy to make sure everything is covered and driving across the train tracks when the bar is down because most of us can't go start a Fight Club.

I'm not sure that beating on drums (see: Robert Bly) or beating the shit out of each other (see: Tyler Durden) is the answer, but I don't think you'll be able to identify the underlying causes of suicide in early to middle-aged white men without examining their work, relationships and other pressures that could trigger this sort of thinking.

Think "Bowling Alone" mixed with Durkheim and you have an idea of what I'm getting at."

As usual, he puts it better than I could have. Bowling Alone is a good book and also adddresses why I am so po'd at the nannies who go after low-level civic misbehavior--we all need places to hang out and go, even folks who are not intellectual elitists. That's what diversity is all about, right? Or are we all just supposed to comply with their wishes and do wholesome things and think pure thoughts?