March 16, 2006

Why?

I ask myself that question all the time. Why am I doing this? Why am I on this earth? Why am I a writer and not a stockbroker? Why am I never going to get ahead? And so on. I had planned to ask those sorts of broad, public questions earlier today when I posted my 200th entry on this blog. But I spaced it. And now I am on post #204 or something like that. In terms of words, that works out to over 40,000 words--the length of a short book--in less than six months. That's on top of my day job, where I have churned out 30,000 words in the same period. 70,000 words. Why do I do it? What does it get me? How does it improve my life to work that hard?

It doesn't sadly. This was driven home to me in a few ways today. One, my bosses declined to pay for treatment to a muscle injured suffered on the job due to an improper workstation and my insurance won't cover it and worker's comp will take forever and they'll likely fight it, even though the fix is $300 to $400. Basically I was told to stuff it. I pointed out to my bosses in my emailed reply that my salary hasn't kept pace with inflation. I got 3 percent last year and that's what I have been told to expect this year, despite all the attention and new readers I have gotten the paper in the last two years. What's more, my rent has gone up 10 percent this year, my student loan payment has gone up by 20 percent and now much of my raise will go to dealing with something my bosses should be footing the bill for. Even worse, real estate in Seattle has just exploded. A pre-sold studio in my neighborhood cost about $180,000 a year ago. Now, that the project is finished and units are being occupied, people are turning around and selling those teensy 425 square foot studios for $279,000. Fucking amazing. I am being priced out of Seattle, just like I was priced out of the Bay Area.

I am so fucked. I wonder where I am going to go or do next cuz' I can't make this game work for me.

But who the fuck cares, right? Reporters and writers are just supposed to keep putting information out there that the public desperately wants but isn't willing to pay for. Nice arrangement.

Am I alone in this or is anyone getting a bit freaked out by how America is working out for them? Anyone questioning why they went to college? Anyone happy with their slice of the American Dream?

I know I should be blogging about how the US Senate just passed a bill undoing all the mental health parity in the 35 states that have it, but I need a drink.

Posted by Philip Dawdy at March 16, 2006 12:05 AM
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Comments

Oh yeah. Now where do I start. In the end and to the beginning. The now and to how I began. I have 3 kids, 2 in Universities paid for by lovely FAFSA, one in a State Mental Hospital, I followed that ambulance on a rainy day from hell on my 24th Wedding anniversary. My youngest sits in a hospital where she never wanted to end up, as I hope that the "No exit" sign doesn't flash on her. I work in the school system, so yeah about not getting paid high wages for hard work. Why are we all here. Well we can help each other, we can try to make a difference. Then I see people who are so called celebs making buttloads of money for what. I now have 2 house mortgages, just consolidated a ton of credit card debt. So now I can really lose my house bigtime if I dont get a decent paycheck. I also am not working much to be in the face of people for many months regarding my youngest daughter's care. My family unit feels like weve been blown up. Moved 2 years ago to pay off debt and get oldest into college, leaving behind an enormous house I designed from foundation level up, right down to the floral tiles in my bathroom that is the size of my new kitchen. Before that, remember Im going back to my beginning, I traveled, had a lot of fun, raised my kids, stayed at home, ran clubs, donated my time at charities. Wow I thought I had it all. Then it started to slowly one thread at a time, unravel. To the now. The person I am now is more tuned in. Oh I was tuned in before, once a rebel always a rebel, but oh now, I have been surviving in a living nightmare, why? I dont know. Why me. Well, I have been told that my kick ass attitude helps others try it. I know why I started reading the Weekly, Philip, tell your boss, it was because I found your "No exit" article and was completely impressed with the straight talk and honest reporting that you just rarely find anywhere else. It made my hair stand on end , hoping my daughter wouldnt get as far as Western State, fear driving me on that one, that once in never get out, how could my daughter have had that happen to her? she is still in school. I dont know why we are all here on this planet, but hell we are, so we may as well do something about it. You are making a difference. Hell the day I moved out of my house a neighbor had to drive me away, I couldnt look back. I havent been back. Get to the new house, and thought, well hell, Ive still got my car. Drove my oldest to college and the damn car died in Missoula, MT. I rented a box truck, flatbed trailer, was taught how to wench the tires to the trailer so I wouldnt lose the damn thing on the I90. Ive done things due to adversity I never would have done before. Oh that drive home with the car...got to my town, stood on the trailer barefoot screaming in the rain at midnight. No one heard me. Life would be easier in Kihei, on the rooftop of Margarita's beach cantina looking at the sunset, eating mexican food and drinking maitais. Oh God those were the days. Today is more imporant that those.
Today we need to keep kicking asses, and doors down to change life for others. Someone has to do it. There lies the glory. There is the ultimate piece of the American Pie. We have the right to speak up and we are and we can and people are hearing it. Keep on typing.

Posted by: Stephany at March 16, 2006 10:03 AM

Philip Dawdy:

You have the world in your hands.

You help people: As one of the most compassionate people I know you have helped, impoved and touched so many people's lives in such a profound way. Who else befriends hundreds of mentally ill people, just so that they could gain some composure, some stability in their lives? Who else goes out on the street to get forgotten, hopeless, wretched people into homes? Who, who else is so passionate about impoving the quality, and the decency of the lives of those who suffer? To put it simply, who else is a more outstanding humanterian than you?

You give the mentally ill a voice: From your many articles at the Weekly, to your blog, you have raised the awareness of people's needs to such a great extent. You really have. Lot's of people read your work and there's no one on earth who could tell me that people arent affected by your messages, themes and understanding. The impact that you create is gigantic.

You're tremendously accomplished: It blows my mind to think of what you can do. Your writing, your thinking, your skills are tremendous. I really do not know anyone who is more knowledgable, more intellecutally powerful than you.

My point in saying this: Don't stop what you're doing. Keep on writing, keep on blogging, keep on helping people. Don't get discouraged. Everyone's life seems like hell at times, but you can't let that get you down. You really can't. We would have too much to lose.

Don't let go of the world.

Posted by: Gwen at March 16, 2006 01:36 PM

Basically, Philip, keep writing or I will kick your ass with my steel toed boots.

Posted by: Stephany at March 16, 2006 10:06 PM

Hey, Philip, if you want to chat about workstation ergonomics, shoot me an email. I can help.

Posted by: Steve at March 22, 2006 02:12 PM

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